leon
all that mattersjazz
im falling in love deeply with jazz music. (: wish grands a speedy recovery. im tired and sleepy.
going.
she is very sad right now. how i wished i’m with her now. lending her a shoulder, lending her my ears to pour out all misery on. but i cant.
i feel super useless and cowardly now. god damn it!
trying to focus.
I’m totally fucked up. i couldn’t get myself back to the right track.
how i wish i wouldn’t need to go to school anymore.
heartbreaking.
This time round I’m really tired. its only the first week of school and thoughts and feelings have been running through my mind like they’ve got endless stamina.
i don’t know how to start this post with a happier note although i feel happy for the both of them. but there’s this emotional barrier that i cant overcome even till now. the fact is i can only thank her for being there, and i enjoyed the times that we were close together.
maybe letting her go is a right decision. i really don’t know. but after letting her go, my heart was totally shattered into million, billion pieces. i’ve tried putting this back in a whole picture. but there is too much missing pieces, just like a jigsaw puzzle, if you have one missing piece, i can’t be perfect.
on Thursday, when i confessed, maybe she’s still considering. but its seems to me she is more comfortable with him. i went back home trying not to think so much. but i just don’t know why there is this excruciating pain in my heart. but i still chose to let her go. so, yesterday, i text her and told her how i felt. the moment that i press the send button, time seems to stop. and i look round me, thinking that I’ve been exiled, i broke down. i didn’t know what to do and i’m just lost in my directions. unable to find the right path, the right place.
being alone at the moment, bringing back memories that I’ve held with her. i start praying. i asked,”lord how can i handle this situation? are you willing to lead me through this pain, i’m really tired and confused. but i really loved her. and i don’t want to lose him as a friend as well. lord, did i do this right.” but whatever it is, I’m stating it clearly that i still hold feelings for her and i’ll be waiting, standing by you and if you need me, ‘ll always be there.
if you two ever read this, CONGRATULATIONS TO MARVIN CHIA AND KOK JIAQI.
real?
howdy,
hey i havent been blogging for a LONG TIME. so i believe my blog has very little views. very little readers. haha. and to update those that are ‘really’ reading, here it goes.
for the past one or two months, i’ve been thinking through alot. and i mean really alot!
ever since the holidays started, i’ve been down with one thing. WORK. (i have no money) so ya. working during the weekends and on some weekday nights. i’ve been rather busy, until this week or last week where there are lesser functions the in the club.
voiceout. there’s a period of time where i’ve been considering to withdraw from the competition.(don ask me why, i think i don’t have the feel for singing in a competition anymore. but i still love singing. 
) and i’ve been very tired over the past 4 months. i sand on and managed to not lose. but i didn’t win either. i think that i sang well even though friends say i’ve screwed up. so whatever.
school reopened for three days and i’ve been really really tired the first day was extremely shocking. i got to know this unbelievable news. only few ppl knows. and it made me really really really confused. the night i onlt slept for 3 hr. as im thinking how to salvage my situation. and im really afraid everything will go against my way. i couldn’t find or pick up the courage of mine to explain things and all of a sudden i’ve become like a coward, ostrich that is stucking his head in the sand. im really confused.
sometimes i wonder, will a person keeps it passion for anything forever? and what does it take to be a very successful person, a person to have a say in evrything he or she says or does. i really don’t know.
(:
im almost done with ecpj. and its lovely chionging projects with classmates at the very last minute. i spent the whole of last night at terry’s place understanding the whole SqlDataSource thing(mus thank LS for that). and finally. but my payment is like totally screwed! 
proposals. mad! im like stuck at the conclusion now! and the proposal needs to be in by 12.am.
